Holy fucking shit cock!

I apologize for the title but...that's pretty much all I can say right now.

My life right now is just one big cluster fuck of uncertainty.

And I have no control over anything.

And everything is all ass backwards.

Take for example:

I'm trying to move out on my own for the first time, learn how to drive because I'm 20 and I still don't know how (long story I'll tell another time), I'm trying to get a job, and I'm getting ready to start school in January.

So here are my problems:

1. I can't get to school because I live out in the boonies and my school is about 25 miles away and there's no bus out here and I don't drive.

So, I need to either A) move back into town and get my own place so I can take the bus to school or B) learn how to drive so I can get to school.

But in order to do either of those things I need to get a job and have money to pay for my own place and/or a car.

2. Even if I did have a car I wouldn't know how to drive it because my mom didn't have a car for a long time and now that she does she works nights and sleeps all day so I have no one to teach me.

3. The closest place I could get a job is about 10 miles away but to really have a chance I'd need to find one in town...where I can't get to.

4. Even if I had a way to get to town to look for a job I have no nice interview/work outfits and my glasses are both sewn AND taped together in two places, my lenses are all scratched up, and I've had them for about five years so the prescription is way wrong so they often give me head aches.

5. I can't afford new glasses or clothes without getting a job and I don't think my mom can save up enough money by January because she sucks at paying her bills and life in general.

So, you see!

My life is like a constant catch 22!

Ugh!

And I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm bitching but, I just feel like I'm in some kind of relay race and I'm all tensed up and I'm just waiting for the baton to be passed to me and to be able to run my hardest and it's just not coming and I see all theses other people passing me by and *sigh*

Ok. I'm ranting way too much because I've been up all night.

Perhaps if I come back and read this with a clear head it'll give me some perspective and I can map out some sort of plan or find a solution.

Cheers for now.

Meh, I've been sew-sew.

Ugh!

Summer's gone. Fall is here. And I'm super bummed.

Kinda. I mean, I don't really mind fall all that much but fall means that winter is coming!

And I hate winter!

Especially since I live in a place where it doesn't even really snow all that much.

I'll snow for a few days and we'll get a few inches or so and then it all turns to slush and then to ice.

And as if people weren't already bad enough drivers here (Canadian's, I'm talking to you!) then nature has to go and add ice to the mix and you got people sliding around like a kid on their first pair of skates!

It isn't pretty.

But, I digress.

News!

Paper maching is out, sewing is in!

I always go through this sewing phase when Project Runway comes back on but after 5 seasons I haven't gotten any better. Lol.

Right now I'm making a medium sized sting ray stuffed animal.

Why a sting ray you ask?

Because they're bad ass, that's why.

But I fucked up and got my ray's confused. It's shaped like a sting ray but colored like a manta ray.

Ah well. Smata rays can be bad ass too.

Hmm...what else have I been up too...

Well, the vegetarian thing didn't last long.

I just can't dig the veggies all the time.

But I have cut back on my meats. Been eating more fish lately.

Still have gotten around to any painting but I did make some pretty cute bird feeders for my ma.

And oh!

The recorder!

Yes, well it's been going quite well but I want to get another new instrument.

Any suggestions?

Blah.

Fucking September.

A damn useless month if you ask me.

Alrighty, that's all I've got to report for today.

Peace yo!